I do not know whether I have put this clearly; self-knowledge is of such consequence that I would not have you careless of it, though you may be lifted to heaven in prayer, because while on earth nothing is more needful than humility. Therefore, I repeat, not only a good way, but the best of all ways, is to endeavor to enter first by the room where humility is practiced, which is far better than at once rushing on to the others.

Teresa de Ávila, Interior Castle 1.2.10

I thought I had a good grasp on what humility means. I had understood humility to mean that icky feely when one is embarrassed or ashamed of something that they’ve done. Mortified.

“It’s an opportunity to learn the virtue of humility”, they say. No wonder I’ve always been so resistant to humility.

As it happens, this is not humility at all. It’s humiliation. It’s an understandable misunderstanding. Humiliation and humility share the same etymology. They come from the Latin word humilis meaning “low”.

Humiliation is a sucker punch to the gut. It hurts. It can affect one’s self identity and confidence, and over time, it can can lead to trauma. Humiliation does not make us grow stronger, and it most certainly is not a pathway to the virtue of humility. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.

Humility is another creature altogether, and I am pleased to make its acquaintance. Teresa de Ávila says that it essential for “while on earth”, and I’m beginning to understand what she means.

I’ve been in Spain now for a couple weeks and also spent some time in Portugal. My castellano – “castilian” is the official language of Spain but there are many languages of Spain including euskara, catalan, and gallego) – is beginner level and my portugués is nearly non-existent. Although english is widely understood throughout the world, it’s not spoken by everyone. I am very conscious of using the local language as a matter of respect and appropriateness. I am a guest and not entitled to others’ deference to my language and the customs of my culture. It is not easy, but I would have it no other way. I’ve had many (MANY) missteps and am grateful for people’s patience. I’ve even had the occasional on-the-spot lesson by generous locals who take the time to help me learn.

I have been realizing that what I really need is to find a space of humility within myself so that I can have more openness to that which is beyond me. A space of humility. Spaciousness. Humility is a kind of pause that recognizes my “me-ness”(self-knowledge) and our “we-ness”. This “we-ness” is about the “more-ness” of any and every experience. I am connected to this people, this patch of earth, this local custom, this typical food, this way of being no matter how much “strange-ness” I or others may feel.

That’s a lot of “-ness” but it’s the best way I can communicate how it feels. “Ness-ness” leaves room for the gracious unknown, the mystery of being, experiencing, and relating. And humility is the doorway to this room, this spaciousness.

It’s a different world when one strives for humility. Living within a different language, culture, and geography for even this short time gives me a concrete and practical example of the humility necessary to be truly open and curious and even surprised. The missteps sting at times, but I am finding my way of being “me” and “we”. I have mastered saying Quisiera un cafe con leche, por favor (“I would like a latte, please”). I am becoming proficient at public transportation by way of metros, buses, tranvías, funiculares, and even a teleférico! These are small things, but they show me a way to enter in, to be part of the larger community and world.

I’m curious to see how humility will continue to unfold in my life – in how I am with myself, in how I perceive things, in relationships, and in pursuit of my passions.

I am also curious to know how you have experienced humility. How have you practiced humility? What does it mean for you?

Image: Photo of three people praying at the
Buddha Tooth Relic Temple, Singapore, by Lily Banse on Unsplash